"Thanks Will" He said, reaching into his pockets for change. It only took him a moment to realize he had no money but he continued to look through his pockets, the search becoming more exaggerated as time went on. Finally he threw his hands up in frustration and looked at Willow. "Sorry Wills, I'll pay you back later."

Willow, who had been laughing at his attempt to find money only nodded and said "Don't worry about it." A new song started to pulse through the Bronze's speaker system and she and Oz slowly made their way out to the floor. But before they reached the throng of dancers Willow turned around and pointed at Xander. "But you owe me!"

Xander, who had no one to dance with, remained at the table. He thought about what Willow had said, about him owing her. He knew she meant for the beverage he was sipping now, but as he thought more about it, it seemed he had been in debt to her for as long as he could remember. As he thought of all the things he really should be paying her back for, the new song ran parallel to his thoughts.

Gray ceiling on the earth
Well, Its lasted for a while
Take my thoughts for what they're worth
I've been acting like a child

Xander's mind wandered back to the time he had been possessed by a hyena. He had basically gotten over eating the school mascot and more or less destroying everything in his path. And he had even almost forgiven himself for the way he had treated Buffy. But every time he repeated the words he had said to Willow, a pain started to spread inside of him.

"I mean, Willow, we've been friends for such a long time that I feel like I need to tell you something. I've, um, I've decided to drop geometry, so I won't be needing your math help anymore, which means I won't have to look at your pasty face again."

How could those things have come out of Xander Harris' mouth? He knew the hyena possession had something to do with it, but it seemed impossible to him that his mouth could form those syllables. Through the haziness of the hyena spirit floating within his head, his own mind must have been. How could it have allowed him to say those things, to look at Willow's shattered face and just walk away, when he should have gotten down on the ground and begged for her forgiveness.

Your opinion
What is that?
Its just a different point of view
What else, what else can I do?
Said I'm sorry, yeah, I'm sorry

Then Xander remembered another time. Kissing Cordelia in the stacks. It had been going great until he looked up and seen Willow, and the expression on her face. It looked like someone had ripped her heart out. He had chased her out to the hallway when she tried to get away. He couldn't figure out why she was so mad. Was it because he had kissed Cordelia? Or was it because he had lied to her, withheld information from his best friend, the one he was supposed to tell everything to? Then the words came that absolutely stunned him.

"No, that just means that you'd rather be with someone you hate than be with me."

Is that what she thought? Of course it was, Xander told himself. He had chosen demons over Willow. Then of course Cordelia, who Xander considered to be scarier than most of the demons he had dated. But what Willow didn't know was just how badly he wanted to be with her. That the one thing he wanted to do right then and there was to wrap her in his arms and tell her just how much he wanted her, how much he needed her. But he couldn't do that. Because there wasn't enough words to express the amount of love he felt for Willow, and also because that was the exact moment she chose to run away. To run away from him, because she hated him.

Xander wouldn't ever forget those words. The ones Willow had said in such a pain filled voice with tears streaming down her face.

"No, that just means that you'd rather be with someone you hate than be with me."

He also wouldn't forget that he was the cause of her pain.

I said I'm sorry but what for?
If I hurt you then I hate myself
I don't want to hate myself, don't want to hurt you
Why do you chose your pain?
If you only knew how much I love you
Love you

Another memory came to Xander. This time it was when Ampata came. He had really liked that girl. She was nice, and sweet and a mummy. He had followed her around like she was the second coming. When Willow had told him he could take Ampata to the dance instead of her it was like a dream come true. But now he knew that it wasn't worth it, it just wasn't worth. He had hardly thanked her, just ran over to Ampata to tell her the good news. Even at the dance he treated Willow horribly. She was standing there in an Eskimo costume, looking as adorable as ever, and all he could think about was the life sucking demon beside him. Maybe Oz really does deserve Willow, Xander though with contempt, at least he appreciates what he's got.

I won't be your winter
And I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
We can be forgiven, oh yeah
And I will be here, oh yeah
Old picture on the shelf
Its been there for a while
Frozen image of ourselves
We were acting like a child
Innocent, I'm in a trance and dance that lasted for a while

Now there was a flood of memories coming back to Xander, each one revoking scenes he wished to forget. He remember two summers ago when Buffy had come back. Buffy, who was being a major bitch, had asked him to dance. And he, being her faithful dog, had granted her wish. She had danced with him like no one ever had, like no one ever would. Xander was pretty sure it was illegal to dance like that in most states more than once. Then Buffy had left, leaving only an insult hanging by his ear. He had felt crushed, and he was pretty sure that that was how Willow had felt when he had left her so he could dance with Buffy. There was Willow, sitting there with ice cream on her nose, practically screaming for him to kiss her and he had only brushed her aside. He had followed Buffy, and Xander promised himself he would never make that mistake again.

You read my eyes just like a diary
Oh remember, please remember
Well, I'm not a beggar but much more
Well, If I hurt you then I hate myself
Don't want to hate myself, don't want to hurt you
Why do you chose that pain?
If you only knew how much I love you

Then there was the latest memory, and possibly the worst. Sitting in the empty classroom with Buffy, Will, and Giles. Watching Willow's eyes as she slowly figured out he had slept with Faith. She knew before the others and the look on her face made him feel like dying. It made him feel like dirt, worthless. Not because of what Willow said, but because of the way she looked. She wasn't angry, she was disappointed. He had let her down. Maybe she was wishing it had been her instead of Faith, Xander could only hope that. But maybe more than anything she wished it was at least someone worthy, someone who cared. Xander could only think of one person who could fill that position, and she had Oz.

No, Well I won't be your winter
And I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
We can be forgiven
And I will be here
No, I won't be your winter
I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
We can be forgiven, I know
And I will be here
And I won't be your winter, I won't
I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
We can be forgiven, oh I know
And I will be here

As the song slowly came to an end Xander got up from the table and left the club before Willow and Oz returned. As he walked away from the Bronze he was sure of one thing, he owed Willow for a lot more than a drink.