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"Much Ado About Xander" Part I
BTVS FANFICTION & POETRY
Much Ado About Xander
Part I ¦ Part IIA ¦ Part IIB ¦ Epilogue
Written by: Alex (Spec159)
Alex's Disclaimer: "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and the characters herein are the property of Mutant Enemy, Joss Whedon, Kuzui enterprises, Warner Brothers, and all other owners of the rights to "Buffy". This is a fanfic, made entirely for the private enjoyment of my friends, and myself and is a non-profit enterprise. Which means I'm not making a cent.
Note: The Events herein take place a month after "Becoming II".
"God, my life sucks." said Xander, as he stared into his drink.
Another summer night at the Bronze, and another one without Buffy.
Buffy had said that she would stick around for most of the summer before she had abruptly left town, and he'd been looking forward to sharing it with her. He still didn't quite understand why she had done it. She'd had to kill him, but why did she have to leave her friends? They could've helped her cope, even if her mom had thrown her out. Whatever the reason, she should've stayed. "At least she'd be here now to console me." he thought.
As he looked up from his drink, he saw one of the reasons for his current depression. At another table across from him, Willow cuddled with her boyfriend Oz.
"What in the world does she see in that guy? He's way too old for her, and she could do SO much better." Willow and Xander hadn't spent half the time they had had together last summer. She seemed to be drifting away from him, and he didn't like the thought that Will would find someone of more interest than him. "If Buffy were here, Will would've spent more time with us" he thought.
He sighed and took another sip of his drink. On top of that he was really restless with the way his relationship with Cordelia Chase was going. Things seemed to be way too comfortable for his taste between the two of them. He would've even preferred the old days when they were still fighting- at least there had been the making up part, the memory bringing a smile to his face for the first time that night. He sighed and wondered if he could survive an entire summer of the same. "Maybe I can get Oz to take Cordy off my hands, after all, he's already taken Willow..." he thought sarcastically.
The song playing in the Bronze matched his mood.
Ten fingers we have each
Nine planets round the sun up here
Eight ball is the last if you triumphant be
Seven Oceans pummel the shores of the sea.
It's a typical situation
In these typical times
Too many choices.
Everybody's happy
Everybody's free
We'll keep the big door open
Everyone'll come around
Why are you different?
Why are you that way?
If you don't get in line
We'll lock you away...
It all comes down to nothing.
Six senses feeling
Five around a sense of self
Four seasons turn on and turn off
I can see Three corners from this corner
Two's a perfect number
But one well...
Everybody's happy
Everybody's free
We'll keep the big door open
Everyone'll come around
Why are you that way?
If you don't get in line
We'll lock you away...
"All in all, a wonderful evening" he thought, taking another sip, and once again staring into his drink.
That's when he heard a voice directed at him.
"You know, you're giving a good impression of a guy that's getting ready for his execution."
He looked up, startled from his reverie. And there she was...
His first thought was "Whoa..."
Before him stood a tall teenage blond with what could only be described as drop-dead gorgeous looks- a pert nose, a nice mouth high cheekbones, long hair, and flashing green eyes, not to mention a pretty hot body. And she was talking to him, and a pretty girl actually talking to him was not an everyday event.
As usual in such a situation, he stumbled over his words. "Ummmm.... uh.... Hi."
"That's what I like in a guy, the ability to say Umm." She joked.
"Well it seems to be something I'm particularly good at." He quipped, recovering.
"You mind if I sit down? I'm Olivia."
"Well I... guess." He said as she sat down across from him, pulling up a chair. "But it's probably not a good idea, see I'm waiting for someone, and..."
"So you're Alexander Harris right?"
"Uh, Yeah... How'd you know?"
"I know some people here, you might say I lived here, ages ago..." she said, twisting a strand of hair around her finger. "I'm staying here with family this summer."
"With who?" he asked guardedly. He paused to turn his head to the left, looking nervously for something or someone. "If she shows up now, I am SO DEAD." he thought, praying that the girl would just go away.
"Oh, know one you'd know, they're pretty new to Sunnydale." She said smiling, apparently oblivious to his discomfort.
"Well, I'd love to chat but I really have other things to..."
"But I'm really enjoying your company."
"It's really not a good idea for you to be here now."
"Why not? We're two reasonably smart teenagers, and it's not a crime for us to talk. You're obviously not attatched. I mean no one as depressed as you look could actually have a girlfriend. And you certainly look like you could use some cheering up."
"Uh, well..." he started to say. Then he saw Cordelia walk through the front door of the Bronze. He tried to say something else, but Cordy spotted him and Olivia. "Oh boy." he muttered under his breath. "What a disaster." He thought.
Cordy stalked over to the table, looking full of fire. The first words she said were "So are you going to introduce me to your new friend, Xander?"
Xander, looking quite miserable responded "Uhhh, Olivia, my girlfriend Cordelia. Cordelia, Olivia."
"Oh so we're on a firstname basis already. You move pretty fast, don't you." she pointedly said to Olivia.
On the speakers, a new song was blaring:
Long Day in the Universe
And talking to you only made things worse.
A big sun in a small sky
Facing the sand losing everything...
"Please, we were just talking." Olivia said.
"Oh, so that's what they're calling it now." Cordy said.
I've never had a crush on
I've never had a reason to
And if I had a reason, then I'd kill for love.
"Ladies, can't we just get along? No need to fight over poor moi." Xander said.
Both of them gave him a look. "The word disaster about sums it up." He thought.
The day and the sun's not out
The day and the sun won't stop.
I'm feeling like safety last
Oh do you know what I'm saying?
I've never had a crush on
I've never had a reason to
And if I had a reason, then I'd kill for love.
Don't say it again
Don't say it again
Don't say it again
Don't say it again
Don't say it again.
Some rain in the afternoon
Living cold
Are you coming home soon?
Long day in the universe, and I miss you
And I miss you.
Xander just sat there, unable to say anything.
Cordelia turned back to Olivia and said, "Look, he's my boyfriend. So I would appreciate it if you were to say, never talk to him again...."
"Hmm, feeling possessive are we?" Olivia said with a saccharine smile.
I've never had a crush on
I've never had a reason to
And if I had a reason, then I'd kill for love.
I've never had a crush on
I've never had a reason to
And if I had a reason, then I'd kill for love.
Don't say it again
Don't say it again
Don't say it again
Don't say it again
Don't say it again
Don't say it again.
"No, because I know Xander would never choose someone like you. I mean just look at those jeans. Gitanos are so 80s."
"I wouldn't be so sure, Cordelia is it? Your boyfriend doesn't look too happy right now. He must not be... satisfied with you."
"We're doing just fine, thank you." Cordy said defensively. She proceeded to grab Xander's arm and drag him away.
"Nice to meet..." Xander began before a disapproving look from Cordy shut him up.
"Oh, don't worry, I'll be around, and I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot of each other." Olivia said haughtily, turning away to walk out.
"Well, that was fun." Xander said sarcastically, breaking Cordelia's grip, and crossing his arms. "Did you have to be that mean? She seemed to be a nice person, and you had to go and ruin a perfectly good conversation."
"Don't tell me you thought she was just there to talk to you. I saw the look she gave you."
"What look? There was no look." Xander said in an exasperated tone. "And I thought I needed a love-spell to attract a member of the opposite sex."
"That just means that any girl who actually is after you must be some sort of weirdo..."
"Well that just makes me feel SO much better, that you think that of me."
"Whatever.... wanna dance?" Cordy asked.
"Not really." Xander said, walking away, still steamed.
Cordy stood there alone for a minute, and then walked after him.
* * * * * * * * * *
Outside the Bronze, Olivia walked over towards the trash. A dark figure emerged from a darkened doorway.
"Is he there?" the figure asked.
"Oh he is, and you can have your fun with him, but he's not to die. Remember, we need him..." Olivia said.
* * * * * * * * * *
As Cordelia walked quickly after Xander, she thought about the past few weeks. Xander had been acting unusually, and Cordy was pretty sure why. It had to be Buffy. She was sure he wasn't over her, though he wouldn't admit it. The one thing she didn't understand was Xander's attitude towards Willow. He had been avoiding Willow and Oz when he could, and Cordy had no idea why. And it worried her. Willow was his best friend. Why would he be avoiding her? Whatever the reason, she was worried.
She caught up to him, and he stopped in exasperation.
"Look, I'm just not in the mood to dance..." He said in explanation.
A new song was starting to play:
God I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I'd be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?
My man?
"Well, you haven't been in the mood for much of anything for a while."
Nothing's true and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight
You can't change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?
"So? Does the fact that I'm 'not in the mood' make for a federal case?"
"It does if you ignore your friends and your girlfriend. Who was hoping for more than a night of you acting like a jerk."
Lie to me
I promise I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave
"I'm not ignoring anyone."
I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
It's try and love me if you can
Are you man enough to be my man?"
"Coulda fooled me. If that's the way you feel, maybe we should take some time off from each other. Maybe then you'll feel 'in the mood'." Cordy said, throwing down a gauntlet. Inside she was hoping that Xander would realize what a fool he was being. She didn't know why she put up with it. He could be such a jerk at times.
"When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and cannot stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?"
"That's fine with me... Some time off would be good."
"Good." Cordy said, though she felt crushed inside.
"Good." Xander said, turning to leave the Bronze.
* * * * * * * * * *
Storming out of the Bronze, Xander knew he was probably in the wrong, but he'd be the last to admit it. He was so self-absorbed he didn't see the form in front of him until he practically walked into it. He glanced up to see a vampire right in front of him, looking mean and nasty. "From bad to worse..." Was his first thought.
His second thought was to run. But looking around he saw that he was surrounded.
"I don't suppose we could talk about this over a coffee, guys?" he asked rhetorically.
"Why do you puny humans feel the need to joke at a moment like this?" asked one of the taller vamps in a German accent. "I much prefer running and screaming."
"'Puny humans'? That's such a cliche. What are you gonna say next? Hulk Smash!?"
"You won't be feeling that way when we're done with you..." Mr. Leader then switched his attention to the others. "What are you waiting for? Get him!!"
"Yet another cliche... You guys must get your lines from bad Kung-Fu movies."
Though Xander was scared out of his mind, somewhere deep inside him, the adrenaline flowing through him kicked in, and gave him a sort of 'access' to the memories of being a soldier on Halloween last year. The first vamp came in fast and dumb... and ran into another vamp going down in a tangle of arms and legs, as Xander sidestepped him. That left three vamps, and the leader who was standing back to watch.
Xander was able to yank a stake from his jacket pocket, and he turned it on the vamps on the floor. He staked the one on top when someone grabbed him from behind and threw him into the wall. "God that hurt." Was his thought. Feeling woozy, he tried to get up, but went down again. He saw a figure in front of him, blurry. He could swear that it looked like Olivia... Wasn't that her green dress?
Then he passed out.
* * * * * * * * * *
Cordelia didn't know why she cared about Xander so much. First she had felt miserable when she had dumped him on Valentine's Day. And now she was feeling bad when he'd dumped her. If it had been Mitch or Devon, or any of her previous boyfriends she'd be feeling righteously angry now, and would've been moving on to the next catch. Instead she just felt empty. Things were somehow different with Xander, in a way she couldn't explain.
Despite the fact that Xander certainly couldn't compare with any of her other boyfriends in terms of coolness, she felt better with him than with the rest of them combined. Maybe she was even in... "Don't even go there." She muttered to herself.
Whatever she was in, she felt the need to check on him, see if he'd come around. Maybe she could catch him before he got home...
Looking out the back of the Bronze, she first heard a loud crash to her right. She then saw a scene that sent a chill up her spine. A whole bunch of vampires surrounded a figure on the ground. She got a look at the figure, and her worst fears were confirmed- It was Xander.
She had never felt more helpless in her life. Buffy could've done something, but then again, she had the whole superchick thing going for her. One of the vamps proceeded to lift Xander over his shoulder and carry him to a waiting van.
Fearful that she might be spotted, Cordy ducked back into the darkened doorway. "Please don't let them see me." She prayed, feeling helpless, inadequate, and ashamed.
Keeping an eye on the vamps, she saw Olivia standing there, with her game face on. "That little bitch." Cordy muttered to herself, realizing the whole thing in the Bronze must have been a set-up from the beginning. And she had fallen for it... But what in the world could they want with Xander? The rest of the vamps piled into the van, which drove away, leaving Cordelia with a completely helpless feeling.
After standing there with that feeling for a moment, Cordy realized that she needed help. For a moment she regretted ever getting involved with Xander. If she hadn't gotten involved in the whole 'Slayer' stuff she wouldn't be here now. If she only had stuck with Harmony and her other friends... But a little voice inside her said that despite all the horrible stuff she'd seen, Buffy and Willow, and even Giles each had proved much better and honest friends than all the Cordettes put together.
Finding Willow in the Bronze, Cordelia quickly explained what had happened. In her panic, Cordy didn't see that Willow appeared equally stricken. Willow's first words were "We have to get Giles, he'll know what to do."
The drive to Giles' house was perhaps the longest 15 minutes in Cordelia's life, even though she was driving faster and more reckless than usual.
* * * * * * * * * *
Giles was woken from a perfectly good sleep by a loud banging on his door.
He fumbled with his glasses, noticing that it was the ungodly hour of 2:10 a.m.
The pounding on his door continued. "This had better be good." He muttered to himself.
As he strode to the door, he heard Cordelia's voice along with Willow's saying "Giles! Giles! Open up!"
Opening the door, he said in an annoyed tone, "This had better be about the Apocalypse... If not, I suggest you come back tomorrow."
"Look Giles. Xander's been kidnapped. See, there were these vampires, and....we've just got to get him." Cordelia said, looking much less self-possessed than usual.
"What? Kidnapped? Vampires?" were Giles' next words. He gave Willow a glance to make sure he was hearing right- she gave him a nod. "Just a minute while I get dressed. You can explain it on the way to the library."
"The library, but we've got to go after him now. We've got to save him before it's too late." Cordelia was looking increasingly panicked.
"Whatever we do, we must not simply charge off, for Xander's sake as well as ours." Giles said firmly. "Do you know where they took him?"
"Uhh... no." Cordelia realized.
"Then we- we will need to find out why he was taken, and for that we need the resources of the library."
"He's right, Cordy..." Willow said. "We need to find out why they're doing this."
Giles gave a sigh of relief. At least Willow remained calm, though she did look a bit flustered. "Ten minutes." He said, rushing to get dressed. Obviously the fact that Acathla had been sealed, and Angel had been sent to hell, did not preclude the usual Hellmouth activity. As to how they could rescue Xander, Giles had no clue. Once again, he felt the pain of Buffy's leaving. He should have had prevented Angel's turning, somehow... What kind of Watcher was he? One slayer dead, and another one that had fled, both on his watch.
* * * * * * * * * *
Xander woke to a general, all around feeling of pain. He realized that he was tied down to a chair. Opening his eyes, he had the same feeling his head was going to split open. Everything looked blurry. And then he remembered what had happened...
"Well what do we have here?" a slightly familiar voice told him. "You should've watched out for that wall..."
"I'll keep that in mind for the next time..." Xander replied sarcastically. He then recognized the voice as Olivia's.
"I don't suppose this was all an elaborate practical joke, then..."
"Oh no, it's much more fun than a joke. Except for you, of course. I mean it was perfect! You men are SO easy to manipulate. All I had to do was put a little friction between you and that girlfriend of yours...."
"You're in big trouble, you know that? You see I have this friend, and she's a slayer, and she's going to come and kick your ass..."
"Please, we know all about your little slayer. We know she's gone." She chortled. "Who's going to come save you now? That girlfriend of yours, Cordelia?" she scoffed. "I almost wish she does... It would be SO much fun to kill her."
"If you even think about hurting her..." Xander warned.
"You’ll what?"
Xander struggled with his bonds. "Why don't you give me a stake and we'll see about that..."
"Sorry, but you see, there's this little ceremony I need you for. I promise it'll be excruciatingly painful. And you'll be dead after it." She hissed, showing her game face.
She stepped behind him, saying "And after it I'll be strong enough to take on even that slayer of yours." She ran her finger down the side of his face. "And you're going to make it all possible..."
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